SEXY PARTIES FOR COUPLES: YES, PLEASE, BUT ALSO A GUIDE TO GETTING STARTED.
by Adrian Iselin
So, you’re in a committed relationship with a primary partner, monogamous, open or
polyamorous, and would like to go to a sexy event. How to best approach this?
A good starting point is to share with your partner in a completely hypothetical scenario (even if you have a specific event in mind) what it is that attracts you about the idea of going to a sexy party.
Being honest about your wishes and fantasies will play a big role in building a strong trust foundation as well as in enabling you to experience those very things. Whether or not you end up going to such a party, this type of sharing can be a great bonding and intimate connection exercise for you and your partner and a chance to share desires and interests you might not have shared before. Typically, these kinds of conversations are accompanied by feelings of excitement regarding the possibilities as well as concerns as to whether it could lead to an argument: might my partner become upset about something I share, or jealous? Will they judge me for something I want or will revealing a desire of mine change the way they think about me? A committed relationship of any sort is typically strong enough to withstand such feelings, even if they do come up, so this should not be a substantial worry. If it does bring up an argument, it might be a conversation worth having. In many cases, however, this kind of sharing can be the starting point for a beautiful, shared exploration, in mind and/or in body.
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While it’s helpful to start this conversation by sharing things you’re excited or curious about, respective space should be given to sharing fears or concerns: will one of us feel jealous of the other connecting? What if we don’t find zanyone to play with? What if I’m not in the mood the night of and affect my partner’s experience? It is especially helpful to be quite concrete with potential scenarios you’re concerned about. The more concrete, the easier it is to respond to them and find a solution or way to handle such a scenario. The quality of question and answer reflect each other. In some cases, you might find when asking a question out loud, the answer reveals itself without further input. Your partner might even share that they have the same concern. In some points, one partner might be worried about something the other didn’t even think of and they’re happy to know this is the case, so they can respond to it and avoid potential upset.
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